96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
