He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
