Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
