Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
