I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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