god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need moral support for this bender
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
