I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
