if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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