real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
