On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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