went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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