Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
3pm strippers are depressing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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