He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
