Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
