I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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