I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
