i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
