there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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