i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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