i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
