I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
