I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
