you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
