I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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