Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
