And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
