if i can run in heels then i can drive
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
