Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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