The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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