I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
