in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
