my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
