I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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