it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
