I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
