Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
