She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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