I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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