oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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