he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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