How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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