You work out of a Hotel?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
