There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
