dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
