sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
