Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
