I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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