hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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