Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
