im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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