May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
